


Irreversible

by miofilito



Category: Mario & Luigi RPG (Video Games), Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Depression, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Forbidden Love, Guilt, Immorality, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Incest, Mario does not recopriate Luigi's feelings!, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Other, Panic, References to Depression, Regret, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sibling Incest, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 23:03:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13774470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miofilito/pseuds/miofilito
Summary: Luigi struggles with feelings for Mario he shouldn't have.One fateful night, lost in the drunken bliss of oblivion, he makes the greatest, most horrible mistake he could ever conceive towards his brother.But karma didn't let that mistake go unpunished.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to make it clear that Mario does not reciprocate Luigi's feelings for him. The romantic and sexual love Luigi has for Mario is completely one-sided, so this is not your typical mariocest shipfic. The bros do not get together as a couple in the end. This fanfic is not promoting real-life incest in any way or form.

 

Ever since the day you were born, you and your twin had always been joined at the hip, so to speak.

Ever since birth, you and your brother had always been one of those people who, even with the differences in personality and opinions, even with the occasional fights and misunderstandings, just fitted together like a two-piece puzzle. Even through all the trials and tribulations that threatened to separate you from each other, the two of you had always been a constant in each other’s lives, a duo that did almost everything together, that took care of each other, nurturing a bond that could seemingly never be broken, no matter what.

Whether young or old, blood-related or not, this kind of familial bond was a precious gift that should be encouraged and appreciated, something that every sibling should aspire to have with one another, something to be protected and treasured until the very end.

However, what very few people seem to realize is that this kind of bond could not only be easily broken under certain circumstances, but also turn into something much more… ominous. Something that was generally forbidden and silenced, never to be brought up or acknowledged whatsoever because of how immoral and despised it was.

It was this kind of bond, that kind of unconditional platonic love for one another, that had led to the situation you were in right now. That had led to a life of lies and secrecy, of avoiding physical contact with him, of unwanted feelings that persisted and festered like a parasite living off the guilt and shame haunting your mind, further dividing your rationality and morality from the sinful thoughts you shouldn’t be having about him.

It was this once pure and innocent kind of bond that led to you thinking of Mario as more than just a brother, as more than just family.

Because to you, he was your world. Your everything.

“Ey bro, You listenin’?”

You jerked your head up in surprise, blinking your weary eyes in confusion as you looked down at your brother leaning against the couch on the floor, his heavy-lidded gaze watching you with a dopey grin on his face as he clumsily tried not to spill the drink in his hand on the floor.

“You’ve been drinkin’ too much bro, you’re totally spacin’ out on me.” He slurred out, giggling at nothing as he tilted up his head to swallow the rest of the liquid, grimacing slightly at the tangy flavor.

You snorted at the irony of that comment, glaring at the half-empty glass in your cupped hands as if it was to blame for your inattentiveness… technically, it was partially at fault.

“Says Mr. Sleepygiggles over there.” You mumbled smugly on the couch, loud enough for him to turn around with a weird look you could only presume was meant to mimic one of annoyance. It was hard to tell with that goofy smile still plastered on his face as if it was stuck there permanently.

You gulped down what was left in the glass as you mulled over the recent events of the day.

Today had been one of those “Bowser kidnaps Princess Peach” days that resulted with you taking care of the homefront, while Mario took on the adventure and succeeded in his quest to rescue the princess and defeat the villain like he always did. Though that certainly didn’t stop you from worrying about him, like you always did when you were left home to wait for his return. In worse cases with lots of wounds to be treated, leaving himself fully in your care, so vulnerable and exposed to your touch, but completely care-free in your presence, so assured that he could trust you with anything…

You shook your head, a pointless act of trying to rid yourself of those intrusive thoughts, but it only served to make yourself dizzy, opting to close your eyes and take a deep breath instead.

_Don’t think about him that way._

Like all those other days, the princess and her people had of course arranged a celebration party for everyone to join, eating cake, dancing, all that good stuff. You just went there to support your bro, even if he most of the time was busy being praised by everyone, especially by Peach.

You knew that seeing your brother and the princess together was only going to sour your mood if you stayed, even if you were happy for Mario’s newfound happiness with her. But you kept convincing yourself that you weren’t jealous, that you didn’t feel dejected over your brother crush, because that would be disgustingly selfish of you. Because that would only further affirm the horrible truth you desperately tried to ignore and keep hidden for his sake.

He really did deserve someone as fair and kind as her. It was bewildering that he still hadn’t confessed to her yet, as if he didn’t have the courage to do it. As if he was afraid that he would be rejected…

Somehow, a part of you couldn’t help but feel relieved over his apparent hesitation, finding solace in the fact that they weren’t official, that maybe he would never take the chance to tell her, that maybe Peach would find somebody else-

You stopped, the familiar wave of guilt and shame that would accompany such selfish thoughts being concerningly less overwhelming than usual this time around. You hoped that was just the alcohol dulling your senses.

Speaking of alcohol, said beverage was served at the party for those old enough to drink it, and that’s where you spent most of your time at; drinking your problems away like an alcoholic. Luckily, you were quite the heavyweight, and you didn’t drink on a regular basis anyways, so you could drink with ease. It did help calming down your nerves significantly, which was always welcoming.

Sometime early that evening, your brother had suddenly walked up to you and told you he wanted to go home earlier than usual, the smell of his breath and the way his eyes were glazed over revealing to you that he had been drinking too.

He was only a bit tipsy though, and the both of you knew from previous experiences that Mario was a lightweight drinker who could easily get smashed just from one or two drinks, so he was always careful with the alcohol consumption.

But despite that fact in mind, when the two of you had entered your home after Mario apologized to everyone for leaving so early, he suddenly decided that the two of you should spend some time together before going off to bed, rummaging through the kitchen cupboards to present a bottle of liquor and two glasses to share.

Normally, it would’ve shocked you to see him make such an unexpected and bizarre action, as he never encouraged to drink more than you could handle. But at that point, after consuming who-knows-how-many drinks and for once feeling like you didn’t have to worry about anything, like the world around you were of minor importance and consequences could be damned for all you cared, you gave in to the temptation of another drink, to the promise of absolute peace of mind for just a bit longer.

It didn’t take long before you both were absolutely wasted in the living room, any kind of responsibility thrown out the window the moment Mario opened the bottle and started spouting out horrible puns and jokes like a broken record. Your combined laughter only roused him even further until he was finally out of breath, his body having glide off the couch down to the floor by the time he finally composed himself somewhat, except for the occasional hiccup and giggle.

After that you just talked about random stuff that came to mind. Or rather, your brother did most of the talking, while you completely spaced out and felt those intrusive thoughts returning once more.

_Another drink should do the trick._

“I ain’t drunk…” He replied grumpily, proving it hard to take his refute seriously with that lopsided grimace and liquid-stained mustache. He tilted the glass towards his mouth before slowly lowering it again, blankly staring at the empty insides for a moment before giggles of realization struck him.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the ridiculous display, finding too much amusement in your brother’s drunken state and the way his grin stretched and chortled like a sugar-high child.

It was moments like these where you would usually reprimand yourself for thinking the word “cute” when associated with Mario. But it was becoming increasingly harder to think the right thoughts the more drinks you took. It was hard to care at all, really.

_Is it weird to call your own brother cute?_

“What was I talkin’ bout again?” He asked himself. Or maybe he was asking you. You weren’t sure.

His facial expression scrunched up in deep thought as he bunglingly reached for the nearly emptied bottle to fill another shot, saving the rest of the beverage for you as he passed it over with swaying difficulty.

You languidly accepted it, seizing the blessing of oblivion as you drank it straight-up instead of re-filling your glass tossed to the side.

“Oh, right.” He eventually drawled out, subsequently finishing his last hootch for the night before addressing you. “We were talkin’ princesses here.”

You peered at him confusedly, trying to recall when that conversation had commenced. But all you could draw up were images of your brother getting a thank-you kiss on the cheek from Peach after a successful rescue mission.

_What would a kiss on the cheek from your brother feel like?_

“We were?” You asked dumbly, and for some unexplainable reason, those vile thoughts and images didn’t bother you nearly as much as it usually did. As it should’ve.

“Sure we did.” Your brother suddenly snickered with a mischievous look in his eyes, and that certainly didn’t help assuaging your depraved state of mind. “About how you totally have a crush on Daisy~”

You flinched, an agitated part of you wishing that people would stop making such assumptions about you two. Even if it did aid in covering your abhorrent secret from everyone.

Everybody keeps thinking that you and Daisy have feelings for each other, and that you were just too much of a coward to ask her out. Whether that was true on her part, you had no clue, but boy were they wrong about the green-clad plumber’s true love interests.

_So were your brother. So naïve._

“I’m not in love with her.” You dead-panned without thinking, hoping that he wouldn’t pursue the subject. You lifted the bottle towards your mouth before realizing that it was already empty, glaring at it like it had personally offended you. You were really itching for some more analeptic serenity.

Mario just stared at you silently with an indescribable expression on his face, until he abruptly guffawed and fell on his side in disbelief, as if he didn’t notice or simply ignored the way you had rudely delivered your answer.

“Aw, c’mon Weege, no need to be embarrassed.” He kept chortling, taking a ridiculous amount of effort just to crawl onto the couch and make himself comfortable beside you.

“You can be honest with me bro, I won’t tell anyone~” He singsonged teasingly, trying to lay his arm over your shoulders as a friendly gesture, like he always does. It was just platonic, physical affection and nothing more.

But your brain always twisted those innocent acts into something else completely.

_When did it start feeling so nice to be touched by him?_

“I’m not interested in Daisy.” You continued monotonously, ignoring the physical contact, not wanting to care about it. “I never was.”

Another short silence followed, your brother staring at you with the same indescribable expression before the truth finally seemed to settle in. He leaned forward and tried to catch eye-contact with you, his face awfully close to yours.

_The alcohol really makes him blush a lot._

“Whu-, really?” He eventually asked in his drunken voice, looking totally stunned by the revelation. “…You serious?”

You sighed heavily, urging yourself not to imagine what it must feel like to kiss him with your mustaches in the way, wanting the conversation to end and your thoughts to leave you alone like the alcohol promised.

_You’ll need something stronger next time. The drinks served around here are too weak._

“Yes, I’m serious.” You grumbled, not intending to sound so rude towards him, but it was hard to even care at this point when your mind just wouldn’t cooperate with you.

_You want him to leave you alone, but at the same time, you want him to stay, to give you those comforting hugs, to stroke your hair and tell you how much he loves you…_

“Ey, why are ya’ mad at me for? I was just askin’…” He scolded lightly, but it was obvious that he wasn’t offended by your behavior. Instead he looked rather concerned, the drunk-looking grin once present now a downward frown. He continued to lean forward and squinted his eyes at your face, presumably trying to read your expression, searching for answers hidden too deep for anyone to see.

_Even though he’s been drinking so much, he still smells good._

“You’re actin’ weird.” He continues, and normally you would’ve chuckled at the hypocrisy of that statement, jokingly making a smug retort and watch his amused reaction to your wits.

But this time wasn’t normally. This time was different. This time was obtrusive, incestuous thoughts paired with frustration and apathy, conflictions of needs and desires wanting the impossible, moralities being torn between rational thought and dreams of unattainable love.

_You want him to understand how important he is to you, how he makes you blush with joy every time he praises you, how your heart skips a beat every time he tells you how much he cares about you, how he treats you with so much respect and acknowledges all your accomplishments, how cool he looks during those occasional battles you have together, how his opinions, his feelings and thoughts always matter to you, how much you treasure the incredibly close bond that you have-_

“Bro… why are you avoidin’ me?”

He kept slurring and drawing out his words, his body clearly exhausted from digesting all that liquor, but in those unfocused eyes was a small glimmer of desperation you hadn’t noticed before, trying to meet your own jaded ones as he clumsily retracted his arm around your shoulders and placed his hands on each shoulder instead, forcing you to face him.

“Don’t pretend like ya don’ know what I’m talkin’ bout… You’ve been doin’ it for weeks, even months now.”

You trembled in apprehension, cursing yourself for not being more careful, for causing your brother to worry when he shouldn’t be.

_He shouldn’t be caring about you as much as he does in the first place._

“Every time I ask ya’ if anythin’s wrong, you just keep pushing me away, tellin’ me you’re fine even though you’re not. I can tell you’re not fine…”

You clenched your eyes, fruitlessly trying to keep those damned vile thoughts and feelings for him at bay, but hearing Mario confessing his awareness of your reclusive behavior only fueled their persistence.

_You just wanted to show him how much you loved him, to give him a passionate kiss of genuine admiration and appreciation for his existence, to hold him close, so close-_

“I don’ get why you’re doin’ that. We always tell each other if somethin’s wrong, don’t we? We can trust each other with anythin’.”

But some part of you wanted him to continue, begging for the intimate attention and care that only he could bestow upon you, a craving you didn’t realize you had missed for so long.

_You’re only going to ruin what’s left of that defiled bond of yours._

“I jus’… I jus’ want ya’ to know that, I’m here for you bro... You can tell me anythin’ and I won’t judge you for it.”

You almost wanted to laugh bitterly at that last sentence. But somehow you just couldn’t find the energy to care. Why bother?

_Because you love him. You love him so much that it hurts._

“cause’ you’re my brother, Weegie…”

You knew he was going to say it, that it’s going to be purely out of platonic, brotherly love and nothing more. You knew this.

_But that veracity wasn’t going to make the words any less painful to hear._

 

“An’ I love you.”

 

The following minute after hearing those bittersweet words went by in a rapid blur.

Everything around you became this colorful mismatch of immateriality, your mind only registering this sudden urge, this agonizing desperation to possess the forbidden love you had denied yourself for so long.

There was the sound of glass shattering on the floor, the image of Mario falling on his back against the couch cushions as you hovered over him, straddling him and gazing into his beautiful, cerulean eyes of shock and confusion.

But your mind didn’t even seem to care what was happening anymore, your brain shutting down as the body only followed its instincts, a lascivious proclivity to be close, closer and closer to him and only him.

You could hear him speak to you, or maybe he was yelling, uttering words your mind couldn’t decipher, the sentences only garbled noises to your ears.

There was the titillating sensation of lips clashing into each other, mustaches tickling your skin, the taste of fluids that didn’t belong to you, sounds of clothes shifting and muffled moans, exhilarating your perverted vitality that begged to be sated, that pleaded for this one opportunity of bliss after hiding all that loneliness and grief from the world.

_You just wanted him to realize how much you truly loved him, to have that love validated and reciprocated, to confess your true love for each other, for him to-_

Without warning, reality plummeted back with a scorching heat you never could’ve prepared for.

You barely registered the hand that had grabbed the lower part of your face in a vice grip, an excruciating hotness igniting your skin like it was being pressed against a flatiron, burning and splitting your lips apart as you could only let out a muted scream in response.

But just as fast as it came, it quickly ended, your mind faintly aware of your body falling from the couch and to the floor, your hands shielding your blistering wounds as you hissed and cried in bewildered agony.

But once you looked up from the floor towards him, the painful injuries you suffered from swiftly didn’t matter anymore. Not after witnessing the horrible sight you had caused.

Your brother’s outstretched arm trembled, small sparks of fire sputtering out of the palm of his hand until they finally died down. His clothes were disheveled, dungarees buckled off and shimmied down around his waist, shirt folded-up over his chest, exhaling deep and shaky breaths as traces of spit trickled down his chin.

His gaping eyes just stared at you with such unbridled shock, such intense fear that shouldn’t be there, not on his face, not on the one person who was so courageous, who didn’t fear anyone or anything.

Except now he did. He now had the one fear none of you would’ve ever expected, that never would’ve crossed your minds even for a second.

 

_What have you done._

 

The horrifying realization was unbearable, punishing you with a choke hold as the culpability came crashing into you like a tidal wave, spiraling your mind out of control and heightening the senses of your scalding skin and lips, of the noticeable straining in your pants and the building tears of shame in your wide-open eyes.

 

_**What have you done.** _

 

No matter how much you wanted to deny it, to deny the heinous crime you had just committed and pretend that this was all just a dream, just a frightening nightmare constructed by your deranged sanity, the evidence was right there, clear as day for anyone to see the truth.

 

_**You just tried to rape him.** _

_**You just tried to rape your own brother-!** _

You quickly stumbled up on your feet, internally screaming at yourself to get out, _**get out,** **get out!**_ , Your body finally cooperating with your orders as you managed to stagger off as fast as your wobbly legs could handle.

 

_**How could you do that to him, to your own brother, your twin, your very own flesh and blood!** _

 

You barely noticed Mario calling out for you as you finally reached the front door, yanking it open with all your might as you fled into the forested night, your panicked mind hell-bent on getting away from whatever was provoking this hysterical distress as far as possible.

 

_**After everything that he’s done for you, after taking care of you and supporting you for so many years, you’re just going to throw that all aside to violate him?! What is wrong with you?!** _

 

You don’t know how long you kept running, how much time went by or where you were even going. But you didn’t care.

 

_**He is afraid of you now! He never should’ve trusted you!** _

 

At some point, your body eventually collapsed from fatigue, ignoring the following pain erupting from the harsh fall as tears kept trailing down your cheeks in rivers.

 

_**He will hate you and disown you as a brother!** _

 

Your face hurts, the salty drops and the thick grass on the ground stinging your burns, your lips wet with warmness that tasted like iron.

 

_**You are horrible, disgusting, selfish filth!** _

 

You just realized that you didn’t put any shoes on. No wonder your socks felt so damp.

 

_**What are you going to do now?! There’s no way you will ever be forgiven for this! How could you possibly make things right again?!** _

 

It was getting increasingly harder to keep your eyes open. You’re so tired.

 

_**You messed it up. You messed it all up and there’s no way to fix it.** _

 

Everything was getting darker, your thoughts slowing down to a halt as you finally closed your eyes and let slumber take you away from this cruel reality.

 

_**There’s nothing you can do to fix this.** _

…

 

Then you might as well not exist for now.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, but with lots of depressing angst that'll hopefully satisfy you.

 

It was as if no time had passed in the dark void of your unconsciousness, your worried state of mind completely blank and oblivious to the world moving on its destined path without you.

Until you woke up to the most torturous headache your body had ever conceived, your eyes clenching from the dizzying pain as your stomach fruitlessly tried to repress the incoming nausea.

The next you knew, your brain was instantly brought back to reality as you faintly registered yourself vomiting, your thoughts a jumbling mess of confusion and agony as you gagged and gasped for air, feeling tears building up in your sore eyes from the exertion.

You scarcely recognized the green and brown blur on the ground to be grass and dirt, your hands clenching it like a lifeline as you numbly watched the foul waste excrete from your stinging lips, burning your throat with an acrid taste only fueling your gagging reflexes.

As you vainly tried to get your bearings, taking deep breaths between the relentless gags and coughs and shielding your eyes from the sudden brightness of your surroundings, your bewildered mind struggled to remember why and how you had ended up in this foreign location, instead of waking up in your bed like one would’ve expected.

But then the memories of yesterday’s events flew by rapidly like flashing images, flickering through your despicable sins over and over, engraving it into your very soul to never forget.

**_His drunken, but worried expression, watching you with such desperation, such deep brotherly love for his sibling that it hurt; it hurt so much to know that, that was all it was, all it would ever be and nothing more-_ **

**_His lips connecting with yours, such a breathtaking feeling, despite the lingering taste of alcohol in his mouth, his lovely mustache tickling yours, the feeling of his skin beneath your hand-_ **

**_The burning fire tearing into your skin, ripping your lips apart as you could only scream-_ **

**_His horror-stricken eyes aimed towards you, the flickering flames in his hand dissipating as he just sat there in shock, his clothes rumpled like someone had tried to forcibly take them off-_ **

The recollection of everything you had done was unbearable.

What little composure you had left was quickly drained by the choked sob escaping your clenched teeth, the deprecating thoughts returning with a vengeance as you could only brace yourself against them.

_You are a horrible, disgusting human being. How could you do something so despicable._

_You are a threat to him, he can’t trust you, he must despise you now after what you’ve done._

_You deserve those painful injuries, to have your face mutilated by the one who is purely a victim of your depraved desires-_

You urged yourself to just breath, forcing down gulps of oxygen as you refused to succumb to the despair and panic, recalling the breathing exercises you were taught in case you ever encountered fearsome situations, like that time you had to hunt down ghosts and boos for E. Gadd, or that other time when you got stuck in different galaxies trying to collect power stars.

After god-knows-how-long, you eventually found yourself lying on your back, inhaling and exhaling even breaths as what you could only presume was an anxiety attack finally passed, your body and mind absolutely exhausted from the experience.

As you suffered through the very first hangover of your life, you hazily looked around the area to discover that you were in a forest. The chirping of birds signaling the early hours of the day could be heard from the trees above as the sun slowly rose on the horizon, casting a pink and yellowish glow on anything caught in its vicinity.

How far away from home did you run?

You hesitantly reached a hand towards your face and touched it, wincing at the stinging reception from your burns. Your lips prickled and tasted like bile and blood.

You wondered how severe those wounds were. They would surely scar, and your mustache would probably have to be shaved off.

_Serves you right._

You sighed in defeat, a welcoming feeling of numbness enveloping your body like a comforting blanket. Never had you appreciated the belatedly growing apathy as much as you do now.

You knew that sooner or later you had to rise from the soil and get those injuries treated, or else they could get infected and cause even more damage to your face. But that would mean getting up from the felicity of deadness, having to go to a hospital where everyone could see your punishment, where they would all figure out the wretched truth.

_As if Mario wouldn’t tell anyone about your horrid actions._

You carefully sat up, growling at the jolt of pain it caused to your pounding head. At least you weren’t dizzy or nauseous anymore.

First things first, to keep laying on the ground dirty and damp without shoes on wasn’t an option. You needed to find shelter, change clothes and take care of the burns. There was no way you could go back home, at least not with Mario presumably still there.

_Because you are too much of a coward to confront the consequences of your actions. Because you’re too scared of witnessing the absolute disgust and hatred in the eyes that never displayed such emotions towards anyone, not even to his own worst enemies-_

You fiercely shook your head, regretting it immediately as the lightheadedness and twinging aches rebounded in protest to the harsh movement.

Survival priorities first. Groveling in self-hatred wasn’t going to amount to anything.

With this decision, you conscientiously lifted yourself up from the grass, prepared for the wave of vertigo and affliction as you steadied your shaky legs, cogitating on where you could possibly go.

Wait… there is one place you could go to without alerting anyone of your current predicament.

Taking in a deep breath, you took a random direction that would hopefully lead to somewhere familiar and help you figure out the path to your destination.

 

 

~~~~~~

 

 

The mansion didn’t look too much different from last time you visited it, except for the vegetation that had started to engulf the front yard with weeds and vines everywhere. But that was the least of your concerns now.

When you had initially gotten the estate and the riches found within it, it was ultimately decided that you would keep it as kind of a second home, an extra building to house big parties, sleepovers and holiday celebrations when there wasn’t enough space in the little cottage you and Mario shared.

And now it would also serve as a hideout for the residence’s owner who has committed a nefarious crime.

After walking like a drunk for what felt like ages of searching road signs and visualizing maps, avoiding any people out this early in the morning while coping with the arduous headache and fatigue from all that walking, you eventually found Boo woods and the route leading to the aforementioned building. As expected when you entered it, the electricity was out, same with the basement boiler. But you could honestly care less about it.

Staggering towards the bathroom, you cynically braced yourself for the doubtlessly hideous comeuppance that was to be reflected in the mirror, a permanent justice being served for the wicked who would forever repent for their sins, and more likely than not never be free of the grievous stigma.

Once you entered the restroom and dared to show yourself, you could only stare at the man looking back at you with such conflicted emotions he didn’t know what to do with.

Those burns would definitely leave some nasty-looking scars behind.

The source of your brother’s firebrand attack started at the chin and lips, the latter full of cuts with dried blood having oozed out and smudged them to a bloody mess.

The burns then followed an outline of Mario’s hand, five fingers each spread out in different directions where he had held your face in that strong hold, parts of your mustache completely disintegrated, leaving ugly patches of scorched skin behind.

The burns quite literally looked like a hand had grabbed your lower face and scarred it for life.

How fitting. It was such a perfect imprint, the infallible reminder of the night you had betrayed and violated the pure and innocent brotherhood you both had come to treasure and cherish with your very own lives, the brass-bound promise of always being there for each other no matter what…

_You messed it up. You messed it all up and all you can do is cower in shame._

A bitter laugh suddenly escaped your ruined lips, straining the contorted smile that had sealed your fate with an unsolicited kiss, that now only served to bring you pain as you accidentally reopened the dry cuts, bleeding anew as small droplets of blood slowly seeped through.

You barely noticed your body falling to its hands and knees with heart-wrenching cries, the sensation of being choked from the inside coming back with full force, rendering you immobile on the tiled floor as the throbbing migraine only intensified every second you couldn’t breathe.

_You absolute filth. You horrible, disgusting bastard._

You just concentrated on breathing, desperately ignoring the thoughts popping out of nowhere, urging yourself to not surrender to the penitency.

_This could’ve all been prevented, this didn’t have to happen, but you just couldn’t resist, could you?_

Inhale, exhale, deep breaths, just like how you were taught.

_You were also taught that sexual assault is bad, but that didn’t stop you from jumping onto him and-_

Ignore it, ignore those thoughts, just concentrate on breathing.

_You rather be in denial than accept the truth?_

You weren’t in denial. You knew the weight of your sins perfectly. Giving in to the self-deprecating thoughts wasn’t going to make them any clearer. Sniveling like a coward wouldn’t solve the issue.

_What are you going to do then? What could you possibly do to make things right?_

You didn’t answer, couldn’t answer such a complicated question when your brain was so exhausted from everything, your body finally taking in air properly as you kept up the breathing exercises, wanting to shut off and let apathy consume you once more.

You couldn’t handle thinking about all of this anymore. You needed to rest, or else you felt like you were going to explode from all the overwhelming emotions and thoughts crashing into you, creating a possible outcome you would surely regret.

You curled up into a fetal position, staring at nothing as you relaxed against the cold floor, welcoming the numbness and lethargy that followed.

It wouldn’t hurt to stop existing for another while.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter isn't up to par with my previous ones. I've been really depressed and anxious lately.

The next couple of hours inside the stifling silence of your refuge mostly consisted of callous inertia.

It was a sense of complete detachment from any emotions or feelings you might’ve had when you finally forced yourself up from the cold, dusty floor, searching the bathroom’s cupboards for any medical supplies that could soothe the aggravating prickling in your blistered skin, anything to hide your repulsive shame from the trance of abeyance your broken mentality grievously needed.

This apathy... It was a weird sort of existence that somehow felt relieving to you. That somehow turned your burdens of responsibility light as a feather, soaring of into nothingness as you could only watch your body perform physical actions your mind didn’t register, an out-of-body kind of experience that only served to strip your presence out of reality.

It wasn’t like the intoxication of alcohol, the false promise of oblivion that had initially lured you in into a wicked sense of safety, only for it to abandon you and assault your mind with the demented thoughts that have ruined your life, a thunderous headache following as the cherry on top just to mock your naivete.

Unlike the alcohol, whatever you would call this phenomenon caused an odd state of not living, of being the closest to what you imagined death to be like than ever before.

As contradictory as it sounds, it felt good to not have to feel anything in this conflicted world you simply didn’t want to be a part of anymore.

During your passive search, the most you managed to scour was a forgotten roll of bandages and some pain-killers, which the latter you eagerly consumed without second thought to further nourish the mental absenteeism.

With your injuries washed and bandaged up like a half-assed mummy costume, leaving gaps for your nostrils and mouth to breathe through, your lifeless body eventually dragged itself to the closest furniture it could recline on. And that became the couch in the lounge you had passed earlier when you first arrived, carefully lying down on your back as to not cause any chafing on your wounds.

You hadn’t even noticed yourself dozing off during the time spent hanging on the couch in a haze of nothingness, as if stuck in a coma you didn’t want to wake up from, dreaming of random things your brain conjured up in its boredom, times of what used to be floating by like fancy boats on a river, being spectated by a one-man audience that showed no enthusiasm, no motivation to engage in the memories you once had held close to your heart, but merely couldn’t grasp any longer.

The past was a bittersweet journey of regrets you wished you had taken control of sooner. Maybe then you would’ve never developed these feelings you have for him. Maybe then you could’ve prevented all of this from ever happening.

_But It’s too late now. You’re too late._

Your comatose state was suddenly interrupted by the sounds of faraway footsteps.

At first you didn’t acknowledge them, your brain too tired and comfortable in its lassitude to register exactly where the noise was coming from, or who it belonged to.

Until you suddenly heard that emotionally poignant voice filling you with suffocating dread calling for you.

“Luigi! Are you there? Please answer me if you are!”

Your body flew up from its desensitized slumber, a lightning of pure fear striking your mind back to high alert as you rapidly scanned your surroundings for the threat, briefly noting how dark the room had become since you last saw it.

_Why is it so dark? Is it night already? What time is it? Who is calling you?!_

The sound of intense banging resounded through the hallway connected to the lounge, the source of your distress calling for you just behind the front door of the mansion, insistent and desperate for a response.

“Luigi, please don’t hide from me! We need to talk!”

You could feel the familiar lump of despair slowly clogging up your throat, deep, wheezing breaths struggling to pass through the persisting panic muddling your thoughts.

_Mario?! What is he doing here?! Why is he looking for you?! What does he want?! Is he mad?! What is he going to do?! Will he scream at you? Disown you and never talk to you again? What is he going to do?!_

You clumsily ran through the lounge and hallway, briefly noticing the faint glow of dusk through the passing windows as you desperately hoped that you had locked the front door beforehand, that he couldn’t enter and see the humiliating state you were in, to see the bandages and the scars hidden under them, to see and blame himself for hurting the one person who deserved his retribution the most.

_He can’t see you like this, he’ll only blame himself for the wounds he caused even though he shouldn’t, even though his actions were completely justified!_

Once you reached it, checking that the door was indeed locked, you could hear him walking around the porch outside, as if he was searching for something. Possibly searching for a way to get inside.

_You can’t let him enter the house, can’t let him see you, don’t let him see you!_

“W-wait!” You cried out without thinking, realizing too late that talking with such severe cracks on your lips could accidentally reopen them, the unexpected strain sending throbs of pain through your mouth as you promptly closed it with a whine.

The footsteps stopped for a moment, following a short silence accompanied by your shaky respiration compelling you to calm down, to figure out what to do in this nerve-racking predicament.

_What are you supposed to do? Tell him to leave you alone? Tell him not to worry about you? Why would he though? He must utterly despise you right now, why did he even come to look for you in the first place?!_

You could hear him getting closer to the front door again, his aberrant reticence filling the unnerving suspense in the air, fueling the building anxiety crushing you from the inside.

_You need to tell him how sorry you are, how much you regret what you did, that you both should stay away from each other, that you are a threat to him and that he shouldn’t trust you-_

“Luigi? Is that you?”

You took in a sharp breath, fervently cogitating on how you were supposed to answer him when you couldn’t articulate words in your current condition, glancing around the hall for any ideas before your eyes caught sight of the mail drop attached to the door.

“Luigi, please answer me.”

You rushed towards the bureau in the lounge, recalling a long-lost memory of having kept drawing supplies in there for one reason or another, hastily yanking open the drawers to find exactly what you needed, picking up the necessary items and dashing back through the hallway again.

“I’m serious Luigi. You can’t just stay silent and hide away from all of this.”

You quickly sat down and leaned against the door with paper and marker in hand, grimly aware of the mixed, negative emotions that slipped through your brother’s lecture, clearly revealing his present state of mind.

_Anger. Sadness. Disappointment. Frustration. You caused him to feel all of these things towards you._

You ripped a piece of the paper off to write on, carelessly scribbling down your message and pushing the small note through the gap of the mail drop, timorously anticipating his reaction to it.

“What-“ You heard his voice falter, followed by the faint crinkle of paper being picked up from the boarded ground.

 

##  **PLEASE DON’T ENTER. I’M FINE.**

 

The subsequent quiescence was an excruciatingly long moment of just waiting for your final doom to be executed.

“…What is this? Why are you writing letters instead of talking to me?” He eventually asked, and you could tell from the way he spoke how confused he was about it, dismally knowing that you would have to explain the situation to him somehow, even if you really didn’t want to.

_You’re such a coward, hiding away like a penitent man-child who can’t face the consequences and accept his punishment._

You ripped off another scrap of paper, writing on it and pushing the note through the mail drop once more.

He picked it up.

 

##  **CAN’T TALK, MOUTH HURTS.**

 

A part of you vainly hoped that he wouldn’t realize the reason behind it.

“…Is it because I burned your face? Your lips were…”

The guilt expressed through those words were indisputable.

You hated it. He shouldn’t be feeling guilty about hurting you whatsoever. You deserved it.

_Just tell him the truth then. He surely won’t be caring about you anymore once he hears it._

You teared off another piece, wrote on it and nudged it through the gap.

He picked it up.

 

##  **IT’S FINE. GOT THE BURNS TREATED.**

 

Another stifling silence.

“It’s fine? What do you mean it’s fine?!” Mario suddenly yelled, his tone sounding anything but fine with your pathetic reassurances as you flinched in response, not expecting the sudden outburst of anger. “None of this is fine Luigi! I burned your face and you… you…”

You knew he couldn’t finish that sentence, didn’t want to finish that sentence, not when he could still be holding on to the idea that maybe this was all just an accident, a drinking night gone wrong because of the intoxication of alcohol, your boozed state causing mischief you normally wouldn’t do if you were sober.

If only it were that simple. If only those feelings you were harboring for him were just drunken misunderstandings, an intoxicated mind mixing up the wrong person with the wrong feelings. Maybe he thought that you were just so wasted that night that you mistook him for somebody else, maybe that you mistook him for Daisy or any other woman you could’ve had a crush on, no matter how far-fetched that theory was.

Whatever truth he was expecting, it certainly wouldn’t be what was to come.

“Luigi… what happened last night?” Your brother ultimately asked in a quiet, bewildered tone, as if he himself couldn’t comprehend the awful events that had unfolded, couldn’t understand why or how it all had transpired.

Trying to answer that question with only a piece of paper was an impossible feat to say the least.

“I… I’ve noticed for a long time that something was wrong with you.” He continued, apparently not expecting you to answer his question, his voice sounding both concerned and hurt at the same time. “I tried to reach out to you, I really did. I tried to get you to talk to me, like you always do whenever something is troubling you. But you just kept rejecting my help every time... I just didn’t understand why you were so stubborn about keeping your problems a secret from me. We always tell each other everything. We always trust each other with everything…”

He paused, and from the sounds of his deep breaths you could hear through the mail drop gap, you knew from previous experiences that he hadn’t let all those conflicted feelings about the situation out since it all began. Your brother always ignored and pushed aside his own negative feelings to prioritize others, especially when it came to you and the princess. And this time was no different. Except now he seems to be reaching his limits because of you.

_You caused him all of this pain. The fact that he actually searched for you after all that you did to him only proves how kind and compassionate of a person he really is compared to you._

“I thought that I could never get you to talk if I didn’t do something… drastic. Like pulling an intervention or… getting you drunk enough to start talking on your own.”

You froze, staring down at the marker and the ripped paper on the floor in shock.

Is that why he insisted on drinking together that night? Just so he could get you to talk while you were in such a vulnerable state?

_Of course he would go to such desperate lengths when you kept refusing to talk to him, when you kept every physical affection as minimal as possible between you two for months of him worrying about you, of not knowing what was truly wrong with you. It doesn’t matter that he actually tried and succeeded in making you intoxicated, it’s the fact that he felt like he HAD to go that far just to get your stubborn ass to talk that is the horrible part-_

“That wasn’t the only reason I insisted on drinking last night though!” He quickly added, but he didn’t even try to sound convincing, knowing perfectly well that there was no excuse for intoxicating someone just to get them to talk about their troubles. “I wasn’t really in the best state of mind that night, considering how much of a lightweight I am when it comes to alcohol. I just thought that, maybe, if we just spent time together relaxing with a couple drinks, you would start to open up a bit, even if just for a moment…”

He sighed deeply, uncomfortable silence reigning the air once again. Until a weak chuckle emanated through the door.

“I remember telling you all those bad jokes, and how you just kept laughing at them, like you had no worries in the world. It felt like I hadn’t seen you so genuinely happy in a long time…”

You clenched your fists against your dirty overalls, forcing down the culminating grief glazing your eyes and constricting your uptight lungs.

_He cares about you too much. You don’t deserve his brotherly love for you._

“Even if you didn’t loosen up and tell me what was wrong, it still could’ve been a night of just goofing around, just two bros having fun spending time together, no matter how wasted and hungover we would get…”

He kept going, but the further he got into his recollection of yesterday, the more somber his voice became, the more you could hear the feelings he had denied himself for your sake until this very moment, until he finally had enough and deserved to know the reason behind your heinous actions.

“But then you… you did… that…”

You didn’t know how you could possibly explain yourself to him. No amount of remorse and regret could ever be enough to outweigh the crimes you have committed, could ever earn you his forgiveness or trust, no less regain the brotherly bond you had once shared.

_You were just so scared. You were so scared of facing his disavowal, his disgust and hatred for the twin he had once loved and trusted with his very life, so scared of losing the most important person to have ever existed in your life, losing your only source of bravery and confidence, being repudiated by everyone you knew once they all heard the abominable truth-_

“Luigi… you really scared me that night, you know.”

You held a bated breath of anguish, bracing yourself for the torturous condemnation to be delivered. Your fists were starting to hurt.

“Even though I was completely smashed, I still remember… I remember telling you that I am always there to support you, and that I love you and… then you just pushed me down against the couch and…”

He sounded so confused and hesitant, like he wasn’t sure what to believe anymore or what to think of the person he had once thought he knew everything about.

“At that moment, I just reacted out of instinct and used my firebrand without thinking… I just… I just didn’t know what else to do, I just knew that I needed to defend myself somehow… but what I did was going too far…”

You wanted to protest that claim, to reassure him that he was not at fault for any of this, but your hands were shaking like crazy as you kept shoving down any emotions threatening to break you apart again, crippling your attempts of writing anything remotely decipherable on what was left of the sheet of paper.

_Just tell him the truth already and get it over with. There’s nothing else you can do but confess to him and have him finally reject you once and for all._

You can’t handle that. You know it’s the right thing to do, but you just can’t handle it. _You can’t handle this, **you can’t-**_

“All day, I’ve been trying my hardest to figure out why you did what you did… but I just can’t make any sense out of it… was it just an accident? Were you just that wasted that you mistook me for… somebody else? I just… I just want to know why you did it, bro. I deserve an explanation.”

Though there still was that small hint of concern left in his voice, there was also that irrefutable spark of indignation, an unequivocal statement of how serious he really was, of how truly disappointed and upset he was with you, that he wouldn’t tolerate your detrimental secrecy any longer.

_Filth, filth, you absolute filth, just tell him already, just get it over with, you disgusting coward-_

Deep breaths, take deep breaths, you need to answer him now, just do it, don’t make him wait-

“Luigi? What is that noise?”

You need to calm down, stay quiet, take deep, silent breaths, don’t alert him, just take the marker and write something, anything-

“What are you doing in there? Answer me, Luigi!”

You messily wrote it down, struggling against the intense trembling in your hands and body, ripping off the note from the paper and squeezing it through the mail drop.

He seemed to pause for a moment, before you finally heard him kneeling down to pick it up.

 

##  **BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.**

 

The tense laconism was unbearable.

“What… What do you mean, ‘because I love you’?” He eventually mumbled, evidently puzzled and disquieted over what he was reading. “How does that explain anything? I don’t understand…”

You almost felt the urge to facepalm yourself over his gullibility. Obviously he wouldn’t recognize the true meaning behind those words, obviously he would assume it to be nothing more but a platonic confession, a weak reassurance of a brotherhood that already broke a long time ago without him even realizing it.

Or maybe he was just in denial. Maybe he just couldn’t accept the fact that all this time of worrying, of trying his hardest to support you and take care of you in your lowest of times has all been for nothing, has all culminated to only feeding the beast that had stayed hidden inside of you, until it finally took its chance to catch its prey and desecrate it beyond repair.

Maybe he was just that desperate for everything to stay the way it used to be. To not have his life changed for the worst because of you.

_How is he supposed to move on from this, knowing that his brother, his family, one of the closest people he thought he could trust the most, had all along held incestuous thoughts and feelings for him and betrayed him through lies, silence and violations-_

“…Why are you doing this, Luigi?”

_Because you don’t want to hurt him any more than you already have._

“I’m trying my best here to be civil with you, to not let my feelings for what you did to me take over my rational thought, to just try and understand and see things from your perspective… but you’re not making it easy for me.”

_Because you are a broken, repulsive mess who can’t even apologize for your wrongdoings properly._

“I’m tired of this, bro. I’m tired of you lying to me every time I ask If you’re alright. I’m tired of you not telling me what’s wrong, and I’m tired of being confused and angry over what happened yesterday. Why can’t you just tell me the truth? Why can’t you just let me in?”

_Because you’re a coward, because you’re so scared of seeing his reaction, because you don’t know what to do or how to breathe and you’re feeling like you’re going to choke-_

“You can’t just shut me out like this. You can’t just expect me to tolerate this and just leave it at that. Don’t you get how much it hurts to stand here right now, knowing that I could never forgive myself for burning you and possibly leaving permanent scars on your face for life, even though I did it because you…you did…”

His voice was cracking, and you could just imagine the look on his face right now, the blushing redness and clenched jaws as he suppressed whatever emotions he had bottled up to this very moment, balancing on an unstable line between letting it all out or keeping it all down for his dignity and optimism’s sake.

“Just let me in, Luigi. Just tell me what’s wrong, and we can fix it. We can find a way to fix this together…”

You didn’t believe him, couldn’t believe him, because how could anyone fix something like this? How could anyone move on from something like this? How could your brother be so hopeful that the two of you could ever be on good terms, no less ever be forgiven for your felony?

####  _He doesn’t understand. He still doesn’t understand the reason behind it all, doesn’t understand how far you’ve gone, how mentally unbalanced you really are-_

 You once again tore off another piece, shakily writing it down as you kept breathing slowly and as quietly as possible, slipping the paper through the mail drop.

He picked it up.

 

##  **I CAN’T. I’M SORRY.**

 

“…Just let me in, Luigi.” He suddenly spoke up, and from the way he was speaking, you knew that he was close to the last straw.

Good. He needs to leave. He can’t trust you. He shouldn’t be trying to help you. He should be giving up on you.

You wrote another one and pushed it through.

He picked it up.

 

##  **I’M SO SORRY.**

 

“I’m serious, Luigi. Let me in.”

He can’t see you like this. He’ll only blame himself. He shouldn’t feel sorry for you. He shouldn’t be blaming himself for anything.

Another note, pass it through.

He didn’t pick it up.

 

##  **I’M SO SORRY.**

 

“Let. Me. In.” He spoke slowly, as if you didn’t already understand how serious he really was.

He doesn’t understand. He shouldn’t have to. He would be better off if he was kept oblivious to the truth.

You’re out of paper. You don’t have the energy to move and get more.

 

Silence, so bitter and suffocating.

 

You could hear the crunching of paper through the door.

 

He must be really mad at you.

 

“Fine. Be that way.” He finally said in a disgruntled voice, the sound of him dropping scrunched up paper and slowly turning away from the door so achingly loud and clear in your ears.

 

“Come back home when you’re ready to talk.”

 

And then, he was gone.

 

You broke down.

 

Everything was hurting so much.

 

Your chest felt like it was going to explode from the overwhelming pressure of agonizing grief and guilt, tears and snot congesting your throat and nostrils, strangling you from the inside as you kept hyperventilating, frantically clawing and scratching at the source of your distress to no avail.

 

You felt like you were going to asphyxiate to death.

 

####  _**He’s mad, he’s mad and it’s all because of you, you disgusting filth, he hates you now, you couldn’t even tell him the truth or apologize to him face-to-face, what kind of selfish coward are you, you’re such a sorry excuse of a human being, you should just throw yourself off a cliff and die-** _

 

The intrusive thoughts wouldn’t stop.

 

####  _Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, INHALE, EXHALE-_

 

You’re feeling dizzy. Too dizzy. Everything is blurry. Why is everything so blurry?

 

You’re feeling a sinking sensation in your stomach. Are you falling? You feel like you’re-

 

You felt a sudden shot of pain in your head. Did you fall? Are you lying on the floor?

 

You can’t move. You can’t see anything. Everything is just pure darkness.

 

Everything is…

 

Is…

 

…

 


End file.
